Saturday, May 30, 2009

Witches in May



This house wasn't like most. From afar it appeared normal but as I closed in on it I realized that instead of the common "Welcome" decal on the door this one read, "Leave your brooms at the door". Additionally, the ever present floral wreath hanging on the door hugged within its hole a five point star creating a pentagram. No doubt about it, I was at the home of a real life witch. Eureka! Believe it or not I'm no stranger to witchery, in fact while working the graveyard shift at an old folks home after high school I was often on shift with a practicing Wiccan called Janessa, who made a constant effort at converting me (hence my aforementioned pentagram realization). I knew only one thing, I HAD to knock on her door.

I made my way up the walkway, through weeds, past potted herbs, overflowing ashtrays, past a broom and by porcelain frogs. I knocked and a gaggle of dogs let loose on the other side of the door howling, barking, snarling and scratching. Someone was coming, shrieking at the dogs to shut up and move out of the way. And then she opened the door, but just a crack. I said the only thing I could think to say in my moment of panic and excitement, "How many you got back there?" (dogs, that is) To which she responded, "Five." "Oh." I said. I surprised myself next when from my mouth spilled, "So are you a witch, or what?" In her smoky bark she replied, "Some people call me that," "Oh, that's cool," I squeaked. She questioned, "Do you need something?" Do I need something? DO I NEED SOMETHING? My mind let loose imagining the precious treasures a witch could possibly offer; potions, spells, herbs, frog eyes, Hansel and/or Gretal with or without a side of gingerbread, tiger tears, ghouls, cauldrons, invisibility cloaks, Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, black flame candles, fairy dust and the likes, the options are virtually endless. Keeping cool nonchalantly said I to her, "No. Just curious is all." Without so much as a thought she slammed what little crack of door she opened for me and I went on my merry way satisfied with having met a real life, genuine, first class, primetime, grade-A witch (for the second time, I guess). At least I know where to go next time I'm in the market for some witching goods.

Later on my drive home I passed a farm where I spotted grazing in its fields at least three buffalo. REAL LIFE BUFFALO and a REAL LIFE WITCH! What a day.

4 comments:

Nathan said...

best ever. She sounds grade a wicked. Just hope that you didn't shed a hair on her porch, she can use it against you.

kelly riding said...

You are too funny! I seriously laugh out loud when I read your posts! I'm pretty sure I met a witch in Vienna. Creepola!

sarah said...

I had a real life witch (seriously) and her husband over for dinner once. Her son threw up all over her, and so I gave her one of my shirts to wear. The shirt said L.D.S.S.A on it. (latter-day saint student association).....I don't think she knew what it meant.........

Emmie {orange + barrel} said...

Your life entertains me, you need a reality show.