Today has just been a typical Thursday in Laie. There's a mansion here in town that I've always wanted to see the inside of. Over the course of my four years here I've heard many a legend of who owned the residence, what went on there, and was told to stay clear of the place. Well turns out that the place is owned by a rich old white woman who refuses to wear anything but ruffly muumuus and is confined to a motorized scooter. How do I know this, you ask? Today, my friends, I was fortunate enough to tour to innards of that old, gaudy complex.
Fortunately for me my friend Shelley works as a housekeeper for the old broad. The other day Shelley informed me and a few other curious friends that the hag was scheduled to take a day trip to Honolulu today and therefore, created the perfect op. for exploration.
The place was massive, 21,000 sq ft to be exact. Imagine an indoor pool and jacuzzi, giant balconies with sweeping views of the turquoise ocean right outside, playrooms, sitting rooms, and a "plant room." Sounds great doesn't it? Now imagine all that but covered in a layer of dust, rusty fixtures, barren walls, and old people stuff everywhere; the woman is your typical geriatric pack rat (no offense). It has so much potential but was nothing short of tragedy. Now lets get to the important issue at hand. Why am I writing this? Well, loved ones, whilst treasure hunting, to our horror we ran into THESE:
They're terrifying to say the least: